The Silent Killer Of Marriage


wedding-dayIf love is as true and everlasting as portrayed in the romantic tales of teenagers, we wouldn’t be seeing divorce affecting nearly 50% of married couples. Every single couple headed into their marriage wishing for their union to stand the trial of time. But if the statistic is to be trusted, out of every two couples, one would end their union signing the divorce paper.

The reality is navigating post-marriage life is not as easy as it seems. Which is why, the wedding vow often reads ‘For better, for worse’, ‘In Tears and Laughter’ or similar verse. As couples went through their journey of life together, challenges arise, and dangerous ones such as abuse, infidelity, conflicts and disillusionment often have the ability to end what would be a happy union.

The final straw that breaks the marriage bond often starts from a small crack. When the break is ignored, or nothing is done to address it, it is only time when a marriage falls apart. Here are some of the common silent killers of marriage that are time bomb in the making:

1) Lack of Purpose

As unromantic as it sounds, as the honeymoon period ended, married couples are faced with the reality of life. And for those who are unprepared, the fact pulled them back to earth with a bump. Household chores, financial expenses, career issues, in-laws, child-planning and the list go on can quickly snuff off whatever romantic flames left.

In a relationship, some activities add points to the love bank and, unfortunately, the long list of daily tasks are not. It is imperative that couples have a very definite purpose that defines their marriage or the destination that their journey is heading. This goal will serve as the guiding force when couples are beaten down by the burden of the mundane task.

A firm purpose brings focus to them when the goings get tough. Marriage without a purpose is a breeding ground for disillusionment, contempt and complacency.

2) Lack of Gratitude

All couples started off by being very grateful with each other, expressing thanks for every single little thing done by the other half. As times goes on, it becomes a habit of expectation to receive, and dissatisfaction takes over when expectation are not met. This is a big mistake.

A healthy long lasting relationship is defined by the ability of the couple to balance the act of giving and receiving. The challenge in resolving this issue is that complacency trickles in slowly, often undetected until something blows up. In most cases, couples only take a serious look at this issue when the illusions of a happy marriage they painted is broken by something serious. They started treating each other with a lack of respect, and in worse cases, tearing each other apart emotionally.

3) Lack Of Communication

Communication or the lack of it often proved to be the downfall of many happily married couple. As couples become familiar with each other’s routine and habits, many stop communicating their needs and opinions and expect the message to be received by their partners.

No doubt, couples do get familiar with each other, but communication is far greater than that. It is a skill and a channel in expressing their love for each other. It is a useful tool to voice their differences in a healthy way. It is a critical tool, to revive a relationship that goes stale. It is also the secret to continuously learning about their partner.

The reason for the high divorce rate is when these slow cancers of marriage have turned itself into uglier forms like abuse, infidelity, and withdrawing, it is almost too late for any remedial work. Watch out for the silent killers of marriage. Sometimes, it creeps in long before the wedding rings are even exchanged.